(;¬_¬)

mckillington:

i-zelyonii-popugai:

mustbekarma:

agentbartowski:

can you use the term, “i shit you not” in an english essay or is that unprofessional?

nonononono, never use “I” statements in formal essays.

One shits you not

Also acceptable: This author shits you not

It’s best to avoid the “general you.”
“One would not be considered shitted,” is probably the best way I could think to word it formally. 

ohhenryd:

thatpunnyguy:

snazziest:

They call me coffee cuz I grind so fine

They call me coffee I keep you up past 2 am

They call me coffee because I’m really bitter and most people don’t like me without changing some aspect of what I am

princess-of-lore:

mycheekyfinn:

official-nasa:

monilip:

dont-stop-runninggg:

knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit

wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad 

That was deep

philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie

That was deeper.

common sense is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie you nasty

derezzcartes:

is that daft punk

derezzcartes:

is that daft punk

misbeliefs:

i have abs………olutely nothing

posiprinces:

toboldlysplitinfinitive:


Some ducks because you are sad

thank you they are adorable you’re fab uwu

HE SHOOK HIMSELF SO HARD HE ALMOST FELL OVER 

posiprinces:

toboldlysplitinfinitive:

Some ducks because you are sad

thank you they are adorable you’re fab uwu

HE SHOOK HIMSELF SO HARD HE ALMOST FELL OVER 

chrssy:

show up to your funeral like

image

game of thrones | episodes 1-30

trr-rr:

Someone finally notices Hannibal’s cannibal jokes.

This is such a big moment because in season 1, those puns were for us. Only the audience knew what Hannibal was and only the audience could laugh at their true meaning.

Chilton is on our side of the curtain now,

ninthdoctorsbutt:

jethrocane:

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS STUFF
I BOUGHT IT
MONTHS AGO
TRIED IT ONCE
I THOUGHT IT WAS HORRIBLE
IT WAS STICKY AND CEMENTED MY LIPS TOGETHER
IT GOT ON EVERYTHING 
IT DIDN’T SUPER-STAY
I THREW IT INTO MY DRAWER WITHOUT ANOTHER THOUGHT
AND THEN OUT OF THE BLUE I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN
HOPE IN MY HEART, PEACE IN MY SOUL, I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN
I READ THE DIRECTIONS
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, I SAW THE LIGHT
I COULD SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN WAS GONE
TURNS OUT
YOU HAVE TO PUT THE RED STUFF ON FIRST
WAIT FOR IT TO DRY
COMPLETELY (I MISSED THIS STEP BEFORE)
IT SHOULD BE SO DRY AND IF YOU KISS THE BACK OF YOUR HAND, NO MARK SHOULD SHOW
AND THEN I PUT THE BALM ON (I ORIGINALLY TRIED PUTTING THE BALM ON FIRST…. DON’T DO THAT.)
AND IT GOT RID OF ALL THE STICKINESS
AND THE RED DOESN’T EVEN GET ALL UP IN THE WHITE BALM
IT WAS A MIRACLE 
THIS STUFF IS THE FUCKING BEST
IT STAYS ON FOR A REALLY LONG TIME
IT DOESN’T GET ON ANYTHING
AMAZING I WANT TO BUY THIS IN FORTY SHADES OKAY I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO TRY IT

NO BUT DO KEEP IN MIND THAT IT REALLY DOES STAY ON FOR A VERY VERY LONG TIME
AS IN, LONG ENOUGH TO FORCE YOU TO SCRUB IT OFF AT THE END OF THE DAY
THIS STUFF ISN’T FOR THE WEAK, THIS IS FOR THE POWERFUL BADASSES WHO WASH THE BLOOD OF THEIR ENEMIES OUT OF THEIR CLOTHES AT THE END OF THE DAY LIKE ITS NOTHING

I bought one of these and now I can’t stop wearing it and yes it is that good

ninthdoctorsbutt:

jethrocane:

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS STUFF

I BOUGHT IT

MONTHS AGO

TRIED IT ONCE

I THOUGHT IT WAS HORRIBLE

IT WAS STICKY AND CEMENTED MY LIPS TOGETHER

IT GOT ON EVERYTHING 

IT DIDN’T SUPER-STAY

I THREW IT INTO MY DRAWER WITHOUT ANOTHER THOUGHT

AND THEN OUT OF THE BLUE I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN

HOPE IN MY HEART, PEACE IN MY SOUL, I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN

I READ THE DIRECTIONS

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, I SAW THE LIGHT

I COULD SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN WAS GONE

TURNS OUT

YOU HAVE TO PUT THE RED STUFF ON FIRST

WAIT FOR IT TO DRY

COMPLETELY (I MISSED THIS STEP BEFORE)

IT SHOULD BE SO DRY AND IF YOU KISS THE BACK OF YOUR HAND, NO MARK SHOULD SHOW

AND THEN I PUT THE BALM ON (I ORIGINALLY TRIED PUTTING THE BALM ON FIRST…. DON’T DO THAT.)

AND IT GOT RID OF ALL THE STICKINESS

AND THE RED DOESN’T EVEN GET ALL UP IN THE WHITE BALM

IT WAS A MIRACLE 

THIS STUFF IS THE FUCKING BEST

IT STAYS ON FOR A REALLY LONG TIME

IT DOESN’T GET ON ANYTHING

AMAZING I WANT TO BUY THIS IN FORTY SHADES OKAY I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO TRY IT

NO BUT DO KEEP IN MIND THAT IT REALLY DOES STAY ON FOR A VERY VERY LONG TIME

AS IN, LONG ENOUGH TO FORCE YOU TO SCRUB IT OFF AT THE END OF THE DAY

THIS STUFF ISN’T FOR THE WEAK, THIS IS FOR THE POWERFUL BADASSES WHO WASH THE BLOOD OF THEIR ENEMIES OUT OF THEIR CLOTHES AT THE END OF THE DAY LIKE ITS NOTHING

I bought one of these and now I can’t stop wearing it and yes it is that good

spoopyshivers:

spoopyshivers:

why do old people read the bible so much

i asked the old guy standing in front of me at the post office and he said “it’s because we’re cramming for finals”

melkorwashere:

thranduil-stormborn:

naturemetaltolkien:

Tolkien died in 1973. Reverse it and you get 3791.
Three rings for the elven kings under the sky, seven for the dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, nine for mortal men doomed to die, and one for the dark lord on his dark throne.

image

image

crewdlydrawn:

inflewenza:

zombiecaptain:

heddykase1:

This is you. This is where all your thoughts are kept. Every other part of your body is used to protect and sustain this. 

I want to cry

it’s weirdly comforting to know that all of the meaningless bullshit society judges me on is just a meatsuit made to support the terrifying tentacle beast that is my true form (◡‿◡✿)

THAT LAST COMMENT. BAM.

crewdlydrawn:

inflewenza:

zombiecaptain:

heddykase1:

This is you. This is where all your thoughts are kept. Every other part of your body is used to protect and sustain this. 

I want to cry

it’s weirdly comforting to know that all of the meaningless bullshit society judges me on is just a meatsuit made to support the terrifying tentacle beast that is my true form (◡‿◡✿)

THAT LAST COMMENT. BAM.

"Sometimes even three deep breaths can change everything."

marukobott:

if i ever misgender you:

  1. it is not on purpose i promise
  2. im very sorry
  3. tell me your correct pronouns and ill use them
  4. spray me with cold water

please don’t spray me with cold water though